When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
