dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize