remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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