I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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