This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
