Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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