dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
