I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
