so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
