Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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