Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will pee on everything he values.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
