Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
