New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
