this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
