Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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