end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i will never coherently bang her
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
