so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
