dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The best revenge is premature balding
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
