I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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