R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
