Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
