the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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