Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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