I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
