I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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