Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize