i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize