Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
NoShamevember. You game?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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