we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
