I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
