so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
