And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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