Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
