Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
