He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
