This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
