Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
