I got chris browned last night
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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