Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
