Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
