So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
