just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
