Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
