i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
