problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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