I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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