So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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