perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
