my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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