He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
