If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
