he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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