I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
