If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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