I think im going to throw up on grandma
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
