P.S. I can't hear my feet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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