i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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