I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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