hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
