She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
