chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize