I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
