Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
