I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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