Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
