I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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