I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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