I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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