oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
