Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
