So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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