So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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